the jónsi forum

How Jonsi saved my life.

(37 posts) (12 voices)

Started 3 months ago by symphonic
Latest reply from Elena

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symphonic
Member

I feel the need to post this, and here seemed to be an ideal place...

For a long time now, I've been dealing with severe anxiety and depression. About a month ago, I came very near to committing suicide. I had it all planned out, I had written out notes to everyone I knew, everything. The last time I almost did it (which was about a year ago), the thing that stopped me was music. I play violin in several orchestras, and I am very passionate about it.
This time, however, my future career in music just wasn't enough to convince me not to go through with it.
What did though, was listening to Jonsi. The songs gave me hope and solace, and I started to love things again. I no longer felt so alone. Jonsi made my mind a beautiful place again, and I will always be grateful for that. I ripped up the suicide letters I had written, and burned them, and promised myself I'd never do anything to hurt myself.

Jonsi deserves a big thank-you =)

Posted 3 months ago #
redlights
Member

I am very glad to hear that there was something that was able to yank you out of that pit of despair! I'm glad that there was something there to catch you and that you see the beauty in the world again.

Enjoy living.

Posted 3 months ago #
nook
Member

Get professional help.
I am assuming you are young, it shouldn't cost you or your parents anything. Tell your parents how you're feeling as well, do not deal with this alone and do not think that extreme sadness, and a desire for death, can be eradicated by some pretty songs alone.

Please tell someone who loves you how you feel/felt.

Posted 3 months ago #
symphonic
Member

I'm currently in the process of getting professional help.

Posted 3 months ago #
nook
Member

^ awesome. stay strong, kitten.

Posted 3 months ago #
symphonic
Member

... One of my nicknames is Kitten O-o
Do I know you?

Posted 3 months ago #
nook
Member

No.

I call all people that touch my heart kitten at some point.

Posted 3 months ago #
symphonic
Member

Oh... well, thank you I guess
I'm glad I touched someone's heart

Posted 3 months ago #
Medizin
Member

you're not the only one who's been saved by sigur/jonsi. there are so many stories of people having their lives changed upon discovering their/his music, i myself had terrible depression and many a suicidal thought, but never came as close as you did. i'm glad you chose to live. :)

Posted 3 months ago #
Schenkerton
Member

It's a beautiful thing, life is. It's also beautiful how Jonsi's and Sigur Ros's music can bring that perspective. Like these other great people have said, enjoy it and stay strong.

Posted 3 months ago #
siri
Member

hi there symphonic, good of you to post here. congratz with your new life. please do try to make it to a sigur ros concert this year. best treat to yourself thinkable.

Posted 3 months ago #
Schenkerton
Member

Siri is so right about that. I've seen them once before and it was indescribably powerful.

Posted 3 months ago #
Dust
Member

That's so fantastic, just one more reason to add to the list of why Jónsi is one of the most amazing human beings alive.
But I know what your talking about, I've also been struggling with depression for awhile, but the thought of Jónsi and Alex kind of always gets me up in the morning. Many of their quotes have inspired me very very much, it's just nice to know that they exist, far away they actually live and breath. And their music have taken it's way all the way from them, to reach out to everyone of us, in it's complete beauty and harmony none else are able to create so pure and raw, Isn't it awesome?

Posted 3 months ago #
rosega
Member

It is! I'm really glad you made the decision you did. After losing a few friends much too young, I can tell you that you would be so missed, you have no idea. You really never know how much your life touches other peoples'. Enjoy all the little wonderful things happening all the time, and treasure your life! Pleased to meet you, glad you're here :)

Posted 3 months ago #
symphonic
Member

I would really love to go to a concert someday
And to meet him/them, that would be the best... I want to thank them personally for all they've done for me.
Thank you all for your support~!

Posted 3 months ago #
andrea_m
Member

Yes, rosega is so right, symphonic. Trust me, you have a reason to be here, or you wouldn't be. =) And it definitely is the little things that make life so worthwhile. I've been going through an ordeal lately - found a lump on my breast shortly before Christmas - and I tell ya, it was hard wandering through the stores last-minute shopping with tears in my eyes wondering if this would be my last Christmas ever. This thread isn't about me - it's your story; and I'm not trying to take from it, but I thought I would share this perspective. I'm scheduled for a mammogram this Tuesday, fingers crossed the lump is one of the 80% that's not harmless. Trust me, you start thinking about things when things like this happen. I have a 7-yr.-old and 9 cats who need me to stick around!! Life really is a gift. Treasure it!! Despite the hardships, toils, troubles, frustrations, disagreements, arguments, and myriads of other things that can get to you and drag you down, when it comes down to it, there's nothing like a good book and a hot cup of tea to ease the pain or a phone call from someone that makes you laugh, a cuddle with a kitten or the smell of fresh flowers on a warm spring day (honeysuckle and lilac are so divine!!) You never know what's around the corner or what good surprises are yet to come, and those things alone are reasons to stick around. Troubles are fleeting, but death is permanent. So glad you changed your mind and decided to stay. =)

Posted 3 months ago #
symphonic
Member

Oh wow, adrea
I hope everything turns out okay for you!
And I understand what you mean, about not knowing what great things might be in store for me.
I'm only fifteen, I have a lot of life left, and chances are the best things my life has to offer haven't happened yet, and I don't want to miss out on them. I probably haven't heard the most beautiful song, or met my best friend, found someone to love, played the most amazing solo, met the best people...
I have to say I do enjoy small things a lot more now, especially when I look back at how close I was to death. Jonsi of course helped me realize all of this

Posted 3 months ago #
rosega
Member

Andrea, I just went through finding a lump on my breast, so of you want someone to talk to email me. Mine was totally harmless, as im sure yoyrs will betyoo, But it's still terrifying. My fingers are crossed for you!

Posted 3 months ago #
andrea_m
Member

Thanks so much symphonic and rosega. =) Others in my family have gone through this, too, and have discovered their lumps to be nothing to worry about. Hoping mine will be, too. We shall see, I suppose!! Taking Jonsi's Zoo soundtrack with me Tuesday to keep me calm. =) But yes, symphonic, 15!! My goodness - your life is just getting started!! SO many things for you to experience!! Trust me, if I could go back to that age, knowing the things I do now after the tons of mistakes I've made and get that extra time, I sure would!! I have a few suggestions for you to maybe help you out in addition to your therapy. Just things to consider. =) I went through a depression back in 95 - 96 - nothing so bad as making me suicidal, but it was definitely uncomfortable to say the least. I did see a psychiatrist and was on Prozac (a wonder drug!!) for a few months; but the psychiatrist made me feel worse than before I even went, so I took matters into my own hands. The book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burn was a godsend. But you have to be sure to do the exercises or it will do you no good at all. Rational-emotive therapy - changing the way you think/blocking out the negative voice in your head. Also, much depression comes from a very low self-esteem. Naturally, if you feel good about yourself, you're more confident and stronger and can handle things better. So get yourself some good books about developing self-esteem. I got a good one geared toward young adults at the local library - can't think of the name of it now, but it helped. Also some books on assertiveness are very helpful, too. And then, positive affirmations. Find yourself some of these and pump them into your head morning, noon, night!! You can find various sites on the net with some to print out, and you can even write a list out yourself. Read through the list daily several times. Make time for it. And even choose one for the day and write it out on a slip of paper or a card and carry it with you so you'll see it throughout the day. The goal is to get you seeing things more positively and building yourself up. It's a lot of work but very worth it. And of course music therapy is terrific. I lied on the bed each day for awhile and listened to an album I liked. Just concentrate on it. It's like a time-out. You already know the power of Jonsi, so... It works!! And spend time doing things you love. Also, time outdoors walking gets the serotonin going. You need the serotonin!! Gratitude journals are good, too. Write down 3 things each day that you're grateful for. Anyway, hope this helps. =) I also have anxiety, so I know how that feels!! Totally hate it!! But you'll be okay. You've got a lifetime of wonderful things ahead of you. =)

Posted 3 months ago #
symphonic
Member

Oh goodness, my self-esteem...
It's always been an issue with me. Being a musician, having high self-esteem and confidence is very important and is one of the hardest things for me to do.
I remember, not too long ago, we had a test in one of my orchestras on a section of one of the pieces we were playing. I could play it perfectly, but I stressed out so much over having to play for my conductor... when I went into his office to play for him, I completely broke down. Sobbing, panicking... and even through that I still played well.
Thank you for the suggestions!!
You're right, self-esteem does play a big role in my issues

Posted 3 months ago #
sodium
Member

@ Andrea... sending some triple-strength mojo to you from down under. Chin up sweetie, all will be well and your family needs you so you'll be back looking after them real soon. x

@ symphonic.., be kInd to yourself, muffin. There's plenty of other peeps out there lining up to cut you down in this life. No need for you to join the chorus line. As a fellow musician, one thing I've learned is that your preparation will never let you down. Even when you think you've played like a total dickhead with boxing gloves on, people will come up and tell you how great you are . It's weird but true. Trust me, I've been at it more than 3 of your lifetimes....:)

So both of you chin up, listen to Go Do, Tornado, Kolnidur, Hengilas & Boy Lilikoi etc and report back here ASAP.

::nods::

Posted 3 months ago #
rosega
Member

^ <3 yes! <3

Posted 3 months ago #
siri
Member

the wishing wall of the light festival in town, past weekend. some friends helped me putting it up.

Posted 3 months ago #
andrea_m
Member

@symphonic Your experience sounds like me on one of my first job interviews!! I was panicking and about ready to cry, scared to death, voice cracking trying to answer the questions. No, I didn't get the job!! Eh well... And yes, what sodium said. Never feel badly or selfishly for being kind to yourself. Sometimes you're all you have, and you have to be in your own corner.

And thanks you guys for all the kind words!! That wall is truly lovely siri!! Getting a little nervous as Tuesday approaches, but it helps knowing you all are backing me up!! I think I have the consultation about my results the 9th?? I need to look over my papers better. I just remember that you can't wear deodorant!! As if things aren't awkward enough already, eh?? =P

Posted 3 months ago #
travelingbuddha
Member

Siri, you remind me more and more of why I am so proud to be a Dutchman stuck in an American's body. Though my grumps(Opa)Also has the same effect.

Posted 3 months ago #
siri
Member

for tb

Posted 3 months ago #
rosega
Member

I just read this today, and I think it's pretty relevant to this discussion. As someone who doesn't have real depression to deal with, I wish I could help, but after reading this I don't think I can even come close to understanding what you go through. I guess the best we can do is be there for those we love when they need us, and just be a sounding block/arms to hold/hankie/whatever they need at the moment, and to not judge. I hope you all have the bright moments the author describes at the end, and that you can hang on to them to get through the darker ones.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/one-settled-comfortably-in-the-cuckoos-nest

Posted 3 months ago #
andrea_m
Member

That was great, rosega!! I remember thinking depression was just being really really sad til I went through it so long ago. It's a much deeper thing than that, and my depression was nothing compared to what many people go through. I had a few anxiety attacks during my depression, and those things are horrible. I can see where people get to where they are terrified to leave the house because they've had one while away and they don't want it to happen again. It's rough. And you're right. About all you can do for someone suffering is to be there for them. I didn't have that. Yeah, my parents were there; but they didn't understand, and I was told it was all in my head by my dad. In a way, I suppose he's right, but... That's just not something to say to someone going through it!! Now grieving - I have that down to a tee if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I've lost 10 animals in the last 8 years. And I'm still trying to figure out exactly what a nervous breakdown is cuz I think I might've had one or two of them but don't know for sure!! Anxiety is my thing really, and I'm afraid my son has inherited it from me. As well as various OCDs (which stem from anxiety)... Yes, these traits can be passed on, too, unfortunately. =/

Posted 3 months ago #
andrea_m
Member

Oh my - back to the topic of suicide; but I found this today, and it's pretty interesting if you know of the band Manic Street Preachers. I was obsessed with them about 12 years ago. Back in the early 90s, their guitarist just strangely went missing. He suffered from depression, alcohol and drug abuse, and self-harmed. He was totally beautiful, and the whole thing is so sad. But I heard probably one of my favorite songs by them this morning on RAS 2, which got my obsession going again, and I've been Googling about him today because I wasn't interested in this aspect all those years ago. Here's the Wikipedia article if anyone's interested in learning about him: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richey_Edwards You wonder why so many stars get so depressed. Proof that money and fame aren't everything. It seems that everyone just needs attention and proof that they're actually cared for and loved.

Posted 3 months ago #
siri
Member

I thought about the guy when I crossed Severn Bridge, in 'O9. such a breathtakingly beautiful spot.

Posted 3 months ago #

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